Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
