i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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