I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
