hell yes lets make some ravioli
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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