I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
