white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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