girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
