Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
