Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
