half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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