Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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