that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
