sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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