we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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