Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
