He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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