I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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