girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
