i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
