i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize