I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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