So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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