Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
