Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
