I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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