Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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