I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
