every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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