I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
