i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
