I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
