I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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