The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
