I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
