Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
