she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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