In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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