how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
