If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
where are my eyebrows?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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