At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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