Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize