porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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