The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize