HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
