is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
