woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I want a musical about memes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
