how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
