Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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