i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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