and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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