you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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