i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
