Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
