a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
