Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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