i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize