Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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