Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
