If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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